The big 'C' word.

September 15th, 2013. 


Last night I went and visited my cousin who has recently been diagnosed with Lymphoma (a kind of cancer) for the first time. As I walked into the door of a house that I have been in over 100's of times you could already tell that things were different. Tension, anger, frustration but yet positivity and hope along with many other emotions are all I could feel as I stepped foot into that house. She was asleep when we arrived so I sat at the kitchen bench with my Mum, Zia and Nonna hovering around me. My Nonna didn't realise what was going on as she didn't know the diagnosis as of yet,  but you could tell she knew something was up. My aunty told her within the first 10 minutes of our arrival and Nonna's jaw literally dropped. How are you supposed to react when your told your 24 year old grand daughter has cancer?

I found out Monday night, my mum apparently knew for 2 weeks prior to me finding out but she said she didnt want to tell me what happened because I had a performance at school.

When I found out I was in shock. I balled my eyes out for the entire night. My best friend came over and stayed the night because I didn't want to be alone. I don't know what I would've done if she didn't offer. That entire family is such a great support for me and I don't know what I would do without them.

This post is all over the place but I guess so are my thoughts.

When she came out of her room or lounge room, I cant really remember with short hair and a tired face, my heart broke. Her once energetic and bright face was now tired, pale and exhausted. Her boyfriend was there and for the first time I'm glad he was present because he is going to be one of the biggest support systems she will have within the next couple of months.

She explained to me her chemo, all the needles and chemicals that were injected into her now fragile body and it still didn't really sink into me that she was battling through this horrific disease.

But we have hope.

We know she is going to come out of this and this obstacle is not only going to make her stronger as a person, but us as a family. This isn't the first time the word "cancer' has made its way into our family but it better be the last.

The only thing I need to worry about as of now is that my cousin gets better.

I need to figure out a way to make sure positive thoughts are the only thing that I am thinking of and i'm scared because I am not a positive person.

Maybe this is the wake up call I needed to realise that you can never expect anything in life.

This week has been terrible. Emotionally, physically and mentally.

I am hoping for a positive week and I am hopefully, going to make it a reality.

Introducing Me c:

To whoever read this boring old blog,

Hi! I'm Jessica, a seventeen girl from Melbourne.

I dont really have an idea or a reason why I have started to write this blog but i've decided to let you in one the small things in my life. It won't always be pretty, in fact, most of the time it'll be sadness that i'll be telling you all about because my life's kinda everywhere at the moment and I think I just need another outlet.

I'm trying to figure everything out about how to make everything look nice, so forgive me if everything is everywhere.

I guess I should tell you all about me huh?
10 Random things about me:
1. Im an introvert.
2. I love Vampire weekend :)
3. I go to a private co-ed school down in Melbourne.
4. Im an ambassador for the Melbourne Theatre Company.
5. Im a gemini.
6. I only had my first kiss this year (I was 16).
7. I love reading. Books are my escape.
8. I have the most amazing best friend and friends in the world. Im very lucky for them. They keep me going.
9. I admire Glee, Darren Criss is my idol.
10. I'm a hopeless romantic.

I dont know what else to say so I might end it here,

Until next time,


Simply Jessica