He's calling out your name..

For the past week or so I've constantly been feeling that life isn't really worth living anymore.

For anyone who knows me personally and are reading this well you know the year I've had, for the people who don't know me, id say that 2013 has been by far the worst year not only for me, but for my friends and especially my family and it's gotten to the point now where I think I can't handle anything else.

My cousin is still currently battling her way through rounds of chemotherapy in the hopes that this nightmare will soon come to an end, I'm still trying to find ways to wake up in the morning reeling from the tremendous amount of losses I have already faced this year. On top of that, I'm alone. Completely and utterly alone with no one to talk too about anyone or anything. My only release that I have at the moment is either going to work because the people there are so lovely and actually seem to care or go to the gym. 

I've currently lost 9kg and I'm proud of myself for staying motivated to make my "ideal self" come true, this is possibly the only thing that is keeping me sane. 

The amount of friends I have lost this year is just something that I would of never thought happier. I've lost my love, my best friend (who was conveniently also my deb partner, yay for still not being able to watch it because all I wanna do is cry) and in the past few days another person who I never would of thought would leave so quickly.

In the span of 6 months, I have lost people who meant the absolute world to me and it seems that whenever I find someone else to find comfort or friendship in, the other one goes down the train. Like a continuous crumble that doesn't want to stop.

Although I may seem strong on the outside, I'm only human. People need to realise that I do feel things and go through things, what because I don't show my emotions at school and act all tough so that no one can see how I'm dying on the inside? I don't think it would take a genious to work out when I'm fine and when I'm not. 

This post was triggered by yet the haunting thoughts that travel through my head every minute, of everyday, of every hour and truthfully it's exhausting to be me sometimes. School, 2 part time jobs, dancing, family commitments, not to factor in the amount of homework and studying I've had to endure.

I'm just tired so so tired and the only thing that I have found a relief in is listening to a song entitled "Brother" originally by Matt Corby covered by Uncle Jed. 

Until next time,

Jessica