This post is long overdue but honestly my life has been an absolute blur these past couples of months. between christmas, new years, maintaining 2 jobs, having relatives from italy down, my cousin still struggling the mess that is cancer and me being me, i've found it hard to finally have some downtime to myself. So lets give you all a catch up :)
On the 20th of December 2013, i felt the biggest weight off of my shoulders when me and my 'ex' saw each other at a birthday and finally sorted things out. The words "sorry" and "i can't believe i did that to you" are still burned into my brain. Were friends now I guess, as of yet i'm not sure if its a good or bad thing. I'm still deciding. There are days where we will be up till 4am talking about god knows what, and some days its barely even conversation. I still haven't figured out what I want with that part of my life. Is it worth opening that chapter of my life again? Is it even worth contemplating? As of this moment, I'm going to say no for the sole reason that, I just don't feel it. Sure were friends and i'm grateful for that because with the complex situation we are in its way to hard not to be. I just don't know. Maybe its because i've grown up and I've decided I'm not taking anymore of his (or anyones for that matter) shit, or maybe I just don't want to get hurt again. As of now, i'm glad we are talking. Really, i'm so so so lucky that I am one of the few girls that got closure on that part of my life because I know that majority of girls and even guys won't have this opportunity to be at peace. So I will say this, to whoever made it possible for me to finally be able to sleep at night and not worry about how is he doing or if he hates me, I am thankful. (Did just realise that its been a month since we've been talking, woah dude. Weird)
Next comes Christmas and New Years. Honestly, it wasn't bad. Had my aunty not been and still be the biggest bitch in the universe it may've been that smudge better but eh, i can't complain. I got woken up by my little brother at around 8am because its a rule in our house that if both children aren't up then the other cannot open presents. I was spoilt rotten by my family and amazing best friend and ended the day with her. The night was perfect, we did nothing by sit in front of her air conditioner and take selfies on my new iPad mini to fill the blank space.
Happy 2014 everybody! The new year rang in and I felt like crying. I couldn't believe that i lasted the year out when i was so sure i was going to give up. It was such a relief to hear the words "kiss my ass 2013, you are gone", well i mean i exaggerate they weren't the exact words but they sure as hell were the words that I was thinking of. I made a couple of resolutions for the year ahead and I sure as hell am going to keep them. They aren't things that are 'goals' per say but they are a couple of life lessons that 2013 taught me that are going to come in place this year:
1. "Expect nothing and everything happens".
Live this to your fullest ability. Don't expect anything from anyone or anything. Friends included. You know who you can count on and who you can't. Everything happens for a reason and so instead of planning ahead and over analysing like you always do, sit back and see how its supposed to plan out.
2. "Be happy and let no one stand in your way and fuck the people who do!"
2013 taught me a lot about how people will do anything to get what they want regardless of the consequences. If they don't care than why should I? I spent way to much time in 2013 worrying about how my actions will affect other people but sorry guys, it a'int gonna be that way this time. If you piss me off, you'll know about it. It may be my final year of high school and maybe I shouldn't make any enemies but you know what, if people can walk all over me then I'm going to do the exact same thing. This year is going to be a year where I make myself happy and god knows that I don't need anyone else to do it for me.
3. Reach your goal weight and body shape :)
With 12kgs already gone, this is the resolution that I am most excited about! Ive already started to notice the difference in not only how people see me but how I see myself and if there is one thing that I'm happy that happened in 2013, it was my determination to turn my life around before it was too late. If you follow me on twitter you'll know about the love I have for my trainer. She makes me want to be better. Physically and mentally and I thank whoever brought her into my presence.
(If you don't follow me on twitter, go ahead. I'm taking a 2 week break cos I'm a little sick of people at the moment but if you don't mind waiting, I'm happy to make some new friends!).
Now to explain the title of this post. If most of you don't know I have a slight obsession with Demi Lovato. For some reason she is the only person that I find comfort in admiring for the sole reason that she proves to the world that she too, is human and goes through things just like each and every one of us. The battles that she has gone through have made me stronger and make me want to be a warrior. For christmas, my cousin (who is now in remission. Fuck you cancer!) and her boyfriend brought me Demi's book and I constantly find myself turning to it whenever I am feeling like actual crap or people have just screwed me over. Whenever I get into my head I sit down and read a few pages and take on the advice that she gives. Im proud to be a Lovatic :)
Until next time,
Love always
Jessica
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